Yesterday I wanted to quit my job ...

Today, this is why I love it:

-Heart to hearts with students (I think I'm finally starting to figure out that discipline is not always the real problem)

-Students getting excited about writing

-Students getting excited about Shakespeare

-Students giving themselves notes before I have to

-Feeling like notes are a group brainstorm instead of a dictatorship

-Convincing an administrator to make a guest appearance in the opening night performance of Anything Goes

-Parent meetings where I feel like an equal

-Being the sponsor of pot luck club (tonight's theme: Holiday ... as if I haven't eaten enough!)

and most of all ...

-Working in a school where I can tell my principal to "Man up" and instead of getting fired, we all have a good laugh. And my (adorable, old, and bighearted) assistant principal gives me a fist pound of approval.

How I wish my girls knew how often I think about them...

Let the love-fest continue...

OK so this whole being a grown-up thing stinks sometimes. And when all you want is some fried chicken on a beach, or Easter with friends, or a metacognative chat on the porch of the REP where you are reminded that others cry for no reason sometimes too... it is hard to focus on all the grown up things you have to do.

You three ladies are by far some some of the most intelligent, inspirational, creative, loving, supportive and sassy people I know and I can't believe it has taken me leaving Orlando to realize it. I should have said it more when we were in the same state but I find myself daily thinking....How would Amanda have taught that lesson? What would Cicely have used to describe this? Or what would Liz (Elizabeth I know....but in my thoughts I think Liz, so I am not going to lie) have thought about that situation? I didn't realize until this experience how much I truly value each and every opinion you all have (whether requested or not =) ) and I think this time apart has only reaffirmed how much I want to play with all of you in the future. I can't wait to see what AMAZING things we all do!

And now on to a Cicely style entry for your reading pleasure....What has Amie been doing for the past month!

- My OFFICIAL residency is over and the binder has been turned in! CHECK! I still have until the end of April with Metro but the paperwork part is over.

- I just finished a wonderful week long residency with a fifth grade that was self admittedly being torn apart by bullying. We worked, we challenged the students thinking and at the end of the residency I was attack-style group hugged by 3 of the 4 classes. One of the teachers cried in front of the class when we were closing about the difference the work has made in only a week and that she hopes the students hold onto the feelings have had throughout the week. Lets put it this way, at the beginning of the week when we defined oppression and the role of the rescuer I had a group for students question WHY we (USA) helped the Jews in the Holocaust because "It wasn't our business" and "They Nazi's didn't do anything to us" so clearly they saw no need to step in when some simple bullying was going on the their school. By the end of the week it was a whole different story.

- This week I will finish a residency at the Children's Home Society of St.Louis, working with 10 AMAZING young people who have been adopted out of traumatic homes as well as a therapist who make our work even more powerful!!!! We will begin again in January and I can't wait to see what happens next!

- We (Metro) will begin our New Work Incubator on December 3 and I am so stoked to see what these amazing people and guests (including Jose Cruz Gonzalez!!!!) will create!

- I got over my electronic fears and created a BLOG for Metro, so that we can document not onlt this process but future ones to come. You should follow us www.metrotheatercompany.blogspot.com

- I have written my intro and first chapter of my thesis and turned them in...I have a schedule in place that will hopefully allow me to make some progress and not continue to be a big 'ol slacker. I am still terrified but I have realized that I am more terrified that I won't graduate than I am about writing my thesis....Odd what will motivate you!

- I am about 9 and 1/2 months from becoming Mrs. Amie Elizabeth Dunn Kisling EKKKKKK and I have not even begun to plan...Other than all of you need to save SEPTEMBER 5th !!!! Day planners out....write it down.....I will wait.....did you do it?......I know you are laughing, but are you writing?

- I MISS YOU ALL LIKE CRAZY!!!! Anyone going to SETC so I can see you before May?

Ok I think that is it for now...I wish all of you a wonderful thanksgiving week and I hope you know how thankful I am for each and every one one of you!

Amie

How I wish people could hear me talk about them when they're not there ...

How I've always wished that. Because as awkward as I may be in your presence, and how tactless my efforts at compliments may come across, I am REALLY good at complimenting people when they are not in front of me to make me feel nervous/intimidated/awkward/self-conscious ...

I was at the thirty-year anniversary for my undergraduate program this weekend, and I started talking with a girl that interviewed with Amie to work at LCT the past couple of years. Amie and I have talked about this girl, and I know that Amie loves her, so I try to motivate her to keep pursuing her relationship with the theatre.

Anyway, I was in heaven talking to this girl, who happens to metacognate in spirals more naturally than any non-graduate student I think I've ever met. She's in the beautifully vulnerable and simultaneously exciting point in her life where she wants to do a million different things. As I was talking with her, these were some of the things that came up:

• "No, Amie would love to talk with you even if she doesn't work at LCT anymore. She's awesome like that."
• "Amie would LOVE to hear you talking this way. She's such a go-getter, and it's awesome that you're the same way."
• "I know, doesn't everyone at LCT love each other so much? At first I was a little weirded out when everything Amie said was so 'warm and fuzzy,' because I was so not like that, but she's softened me up so much, and I really needed that."
• "You want to work in London? Well, Amie's done that too! You need to keep in touch with her -- she is a great connection to have."

I left the conversation feeling rejuvenated and ready to hop on a plane with Cicely, pick Amie up, and then hop on another plane to Scotland so that we could all be together again. I realized I am luckyluckyluckyluckyLUCKY to know so many amazing people. Because had community-based work come up, I would have bragged just as much on Cicely. Had international connections come up, you know I would have bragged on Amanda!

Point is, you girls are sensational. As much as I suck at blogging, facebooking, calling, writing, and all things based in keeping in touch, know that this is not a November, turkey-induced thankfulness that I am feeling. I feel thankful for each one of you each and every day.

A few points for mid-November

Since I last posted:

• I found a renewed sense of that school-work-pressing-deadlines urgency, so I've made substantial thesis progress.
• Just as I feel GREAT about making so much progress, I feel a crushing pessimism surrounding the mountains of research and writing I still have to conquer.
• I miss having Amie and Amanda tell me to STOP researching and START writing... Last night I digitally sifted through over 50 downloaded articles for my next chapter.
  
• I love my job. I want to keep working there.
  
• I question myself in my job almost everyday. When I do mostly teaching, I wish I was doing more admin. When I'm not teaching, I feel like I should be.
  
• I've been reading about youth and digital media, and felt inspired by this Edutopia's articles about digital storytelling and defeated by the NEA Mark Bauerlein's website, The Dumbest Generation. Check them out.
• In the third year, we wear three hats: life, work, thesis... I only feel successful at these 1 at a time. Clean house = no work, no writing. Work hard = live in filth and sleep instead of write... Write all day = eat fast food and forget to shower... You get the picture.
  
• Amie, update us soon.
  
• Liz, update us soon.
  
• I miss you loads.
• That's all for now.

Better...Much Better

Big, humongous thank you to every single person who sent me comments and messages and emails following my last blog. Since then, I had to say goodbye to Peni too. But this time I allowed myself to cry...with people. It made all the difference in the world. I had really worked myself into a rough place, but with the support (albeit long distance in most cases) of my wonderful friends and family I am pulling through to grab the remainder of this experience for all I can get! I even have antlers in the mail thanks to Amie!!!! (pictures to follow when I get them)

The past couple weeks have been full of big, fun changes and amazing-ness! I have officially extended my stay in Glasgow. I will now remain to see "Zorro" open in Edinburgh on December 5, then fly to Orlando on December 6. While my Glasgow to Edinburgh commute will be slightly insane and probably wear on me more than I-4 during rush hour, I'm going to make the most of my train ride with dedicated thesis time! More than 2 hours a day with nothing better to do than write sounds exactly like what I need. I'm also interested to see what the production will become. We had some fun playing around during the development sessions, so I can't wait to work full through the opening of the production! I think I would have felt unfulfilled if I had left as originally planned, 2 weeks into rehearsal.

I am also working on a collaboration project with Visible Fictions and The Rose in Omaha (where I will be working once I complete my thesis). As with all huge undertakings, I go through waves of thinking that we're positively brilliant and absolutely insane! A few hours ago I was fully in the "insane" camp, but now I'm leaning brilliant with hints of insanity. We'll see how I feel in the morning. Usually a good night's sleep and a good deep breath will completely change my perspective. Now I just need to keep the insanity to a minimum and concentrate on how unbelievably brilliant we are and how our spectacular project will change the world!!! At the very least it will change mine :)

Liz's show, the full moon, and some other thoughts...

Early this week, the full moon passed its normalcy-throwing energy over our students and myself. This monthly event requires extended patience in the classroom and stone cold willpower on my part to refrain from the steady stream of tears that erupt at even a television drama. To some degree, perhaps, the moon contributed the events that changed the staff composition in my residency this week. Without placing public judgment on the restructuring of our team, I feel comfortable and positive moving the program forward.

Two things of interest struck me deeply during the course of this week. In our first full staff, post restructuring meeting, my colleague, Meredith Hoppe, said to our administrator that she has learned a great deal about education from me. I smiled, and the conversation continued on its contextual path, but a light feeling lingered with me all day. How could it be that I had taught something to this person I so admired? Later in the week, Lucy Bryson and I went to see Elizabeth’s show, Metamorphoses. My hypersensitive moon cycle affected brain triggered tears to well as Elizabeth, my friend, Liz, spoke as Mrs. Horn to a theatre house full of parents and administrators. She spoke with an ease and confidence that I knew she had but that I had never witnessed in this sort of context. We traveled through 2 years of studies together. We competed, fought, cried, and held hands through entire days of classes. In our course studies, I spent my time reflecting on how I had grown during those 2 years, but seeing Liz speak in front of that high-stakes audience, I realized just how far she’s come, too. As Lucy and I watched the show, I grew more and more proud of my relationship with Liz and the journey we shared together. Liz’s first show as a public school teacher showcased the sophistication, intellectualism, succinctness, physical beauty, and stylistic bravery that she embodies as a person. In the 90 minutes Lucy and I enjoyed the play, the gravity of how much I continue to learn from Liz overwhelmed me.

Meredith’s passing remark and my hypersensitivity during Liz’s joyful success lead me to acknowledge that it is easy to say, “I learned from this experience,” but knowing the exact power of a peer in your life is a profound sorta thing. These experiences remind me to share with the people I love what I’ve learned from them.

For those of you far away and unable to see Liz’s show: she rocks. The parent and administrator support of her theatre amazed and warmed Lucy and I. Her facility is gorgeous. Her students were professional, talented, hard working, and clearly enjoying themselves. For each moment of controversial language or content, Liz and her students clearly approached with care, understanding, and uncompromising artistic integrity. I can’t wait to see what they do next.

Liz, Lucy, and I went out for wings and such after the show, and it was like reuniting with a friend from far away. We live not 15 minutes from each other, but our lives are so different right now we can’t seem to connect regularly. I can’t imagine being so far away from friends and family as Amie and Amanda, but the 3^rd year reclusive solitude remains true for those of us next door to each other, too.

Greetings from a Chilly St.Louis

I realize that it has taken me too long to do this...but that kind of exemplifies the past month. I have been at Metro Theater Company for one month now and it has been quite the adventure. Major points to include....

* A five week residency at Steger 6th Grade Center, yes that is am entire school of sixth grader and it is the BEST idea avery...I am in love with their school. Our residency is designed to develop community within the 350 students who have come from 7 different elementary schools in the Clayton School District. We are there for 5 weeks and tomorrow is our last day together. Last year they all participated in a 5th grade residency that focused on the triangle of intolerance and Bullying.

* I have been creating a super fun found puppetry unit for and after school residency for first and second graders.

* I have also been creating an improv unit based on the book If... by Sarah Perry ( GET IT IMMEDIATELY) for 2 3rd -5th grade after school residencies.

* We are planning for our new works incubator ( with Jose Cruz Gonzales....EKKKK )

On a not so great side....

* I broke my foot. Stepping down one step. I broke my fifth metatarsal ( the farthest outside bone in your foot) on my left foot.

* My car got broken into...BOO

* I have absolutely no desire to write my thesis.

I know this isn't cleverly written but I has been a really rough week and there are lots of lessons to write tonight....

I hope that you all are doing well and learning lots! I miss you like crazy!

Hey -- I figured out how to post as myself!

So today I stopped at least twice to look up from my notes and enjoy the show.

Did I mention that I haven't been slept, shaved, or eaten anything other than Lean Cuisine and mac and cheese in the past four weeks? This is why:



It's this weekend at Timber Creek High School, Friday at 7:00, Saturday at 3:00 and 7:00, and Sunday at 3:00. This kind of feels like a shameless plug, but I kinda feel like this blog is about our new journeys, and this is a pretty big part of it.

I'm REALLY excited about this one. It's been a challenge, and possibly the stupidest/riskiest show that I could choose for my first show in this new job, but I don't care. I'm really excited. :)

I could really use some reindeer antlers...

Because no one can feel icky when they're wearing reindeer antlers (it's a proven scientific fact, just ask Amie).

We'll say--hypothetically, of course--that you decide to move to another country to round off your grad school experience. You plan for all sorts of fun and the occasional road block. However, you never plan on losing two wonderful, beautiful and all-around amazing friends to their battles with cancer in the short time you are gone. How do you deal with this? Well, if you're Amanda Kibler (still totally hypothetical, right?) you apparently shut yourself off for the first month of your residency, until an impromptu dinner and beer after work leads you to tears in the middle of a restaurant. Luckily, your boss is also a wonderful and caring friend who gives you a tissue, listens to you babble, and shares in two more beers.

Maybe that scenario isn't as hypothetical as I would like to pretend. I have spent a lot of time wondering what would have changed if the circumstances had been different. What if I went up to someone and confided that I really needed to talk? What if I walked into the office and told them about Tracy and Nancy? What if I allowed myself to cry in front of someone earlier? But, the circumstances are not different. I handled it in a way that I did not expect. I am truly afraid that I have shut off people here who could've helped me (even though I cross my fingers with all my might that I haven't). Guess all I can do now is reach out and hope someone grabs ahold.

Come to find out, there is such a thing as being too stubborn.

American friends and family: No need to worry! I'll pull myself out of this funk, like I always do. There's even talk about me staying an extra couple weeks (more to come on that in a later edition after I've checked ye olde bank account).

Scottish friends: I might need to go out for drinks soon...

...bring antlers.

Am I using this blog thingy right?

So, I just sent out my first icky parent e-mail. Not a fun thing to do, but it had to be done (I just used passive voice and I LOVED it!).

I, as I'm assuming everyone that reads this knows, recently embarked on my journey as a first year high school teacher/third year grad school student. I teach 12th grade Language Arts at a high school in sunny East Orlando, where I also sponsor the drama club.

There are many things I love about my new position. Parent e-mails is not one of them.

Don't get me wrong. I have so many parents that are just the sweetest -- I really should count my blessings. I recently took on designing costumes for our show on TOP of directing it, and the amount of support and energy from these generous parents just overwhelms me.

But it's a matter of FOCUSING that energy. When that energy seems attacking, or negative, or accusatory, it is NOT a good thing.

And you know what I hate? I hate that I feel like so much of it is because I'm young. And I've realized -- it's not a matter of me waiting to get older. If I am soggy and wishy-washy now as a young drama sponsor, what makes me think that merely aging will earn me their respect? I must go forth, from this moment on, determined, head strong, and balls to the walls!

In other news, because this is a blog so I can ramble, these are the things about my job that I love:
-When my kids think of amazing things in rehearsals and production that I would never have thought of
-My kids getting crowned homecoming king and queen
-My kids convincing me to have "Pie Day Friday" ... yes, we had about eight pies for a cast of fourteen
-My kids getting to school by 9 a.m. and staying until 6 p.m. on the day of the homecoming dance
-My kids all being ridiculously multi-talented -- I love listening to them play piano on the other side of my classroom (most of the time)
-Pay day ... yes, this seems like a lot of money to me
-My kids incessant teasing of me for my obsession with baby carrots and my over use of the phrase "Rock on"
-That my kids are not just talents, they're intellectual, kind, and caring actors
-Kids that are not only in drama, but in cheerleading, or on the football team, or in SGA
-My co-workers Sean and Holly
-The random things my kids find to decorate my classroom
-My administrators -- sometimes they let me go shopping on what I've termed "Daddy's money"
-My administrators -- they're letting me do a show with a pool on stage! And one that is risque, at that!
-One-on-one chats with my kids about life
-Thank yous from my kids -- I had one tell me she learned more from me in the past few weeks than she learned in the past three years
-Summer vacation
-Smiles and giggles

There. I've officially blogged.
-Elizabeth

Making roots in sandy ground

Despite my attempts to spend my residency time elsewhere, all signs pointed to Orlando. Amanda and I talked a lot about ‘Plan B’ before she left. We both scowled at the thought of our first life-outlines failing, but we both adapted and settled into Plan B. The funny thing about Plan B: it’s turned out better than Plan A for both of us. I thought I’d find a residency in a large theatre’s development department. I’d shuffle papers and smile at events while living and learning as a glorified file clerk. That would have been an amazing experience in observation, but it also would have required me to uproot myself entirely from the small but loving community I’ve established in Orlando. When the applications for Plan A failed to produce fruit, Plan B seemed to fall in my lap.

For the academic year (and hopefully longer), I’ll be working in a position that offers a full package of wicked exciting professional experiences. I’m co-teaching 2 arts and digital media classes to 3^rd -5^th graders during regular school hours and a weekly afterschool program with teenagers. The program focuses on the most underserved youth of Orlando. In addition to co-teaching the programs, we operate as a team of diversely skilled professionals to develop the curriculum according to the partnerships, mission of the organizations, and our students. Finally, I’m working on some grant reporting and eventually writing. The program is innovative, deals with the demographic I’m passionate about, and it allows me to continue to explore teaching, artistry, and administration simultaneously. Plan B rocks.

So, I’m in Orlando. Living in a little house. Living with a little dog. Driving a little car. Making roots in little soil. And, I like it (more than a little bit).

And it begins...

So here I am in Scotland. It's hard to believe but my residency is almost half over already (middle of next week)! Remember in January 2008 when I saw a show at IPAY that made me say, "I wish I could work for that company for my residency." And then I became slightly obsessed with that company and now I am working for them. That was good times.

I will say that I now wish that I could have made my time here longer because I feel like I'm just now getting my bearings. Probably about a week before I leave I'll actually be completely settled in. C'est la vie.

Here's a quick list of accomplishments and lessons thus far while living it up...Glasgow-style:

1. Curse of the Demeter is up and touring! Rave reviews from the group of 16 year-olds who sat completely silent through the first show. I'm going up to Perth tomorrow for their first out-of-Glasgow show, then onto the next order of business...more awesome-ness!

2. I love taking the train into work! Commutes aren't nearly as bad when you aren't in charge of them.

3. I went to the Highlands this weekend. Beautiful! I recommend it to anyone!!! But just make sure you're adequately prepared (see #4).

4. My jacket is neither waterproof nor warm (see #5).

5. I bought a new coat.

6. As many of you know, I am not very competitive. I enjoy playing games and sports, but the winning is mostly secondary to the fun of playing the game itself. Come to find out, after awhile I get sick of losing. And so, I am incredibly excited to announce that I won four square twice! In your face, losing streak!

7. Contrary to a taxi driver's ominous warning my first night here, Cathcart is not a dangerous neighborhood and I do not fear for my life anytime I walk home. In fact it is quite the opposite. Luckily I do have people here who care, like Paul, who asks me every time I see him if I've been stabbed yet. No, I haven't.

8. I should stop saying that I was "obsessed" with Visible Fictions. When I'm not around other people who use it frequently and casually, it sounds a little creepy and stalker-ish.

9. G-chat and Facebook chat is almost like a real conversation. But still not the same.

There's a brief overview of the past month. (Wha?!?! Month?!?! Yes. Month.)

I don't know if my cohorts will agree with me or not, but third year is a tough year. I'm finding it to be a lonely year without hot wings and doggie play dates and paint your own pottery. I really did find amazing friends during grad school and am now a little lost without them. But just like leaving home for Benedictine and leaving Benedictine to work at The Rose and leaving The Rose to go to grad school, this newest phase of my life will be yet another wonderful opportunity. And if I'm lucky (as I have been through all those other ventures), I'll walk away with a couple friends who I can't imagine my life without.

For good and for bad...here's to our third year!

Welcom to our blog!

Over the last 2 years, Amie, Amanda, Elizabeth and I have grown very close. Through a very challenging and intense course of studies, we found comfort and friendship in one another. Now, we are scattered all over starting the next step of our careers. I'm excited for our friends and families to read of our journeys this year! Let the stories begin!