I hate whining.

I just turned in my completed and formatted first draft to my committee. My chair's had 2 rounds of everything, so this is a pretty solid draft all together. It's 9pm on a Monday night. I wish you were all here to celebrate, because right now, I just feel sad and lonely because I just completed this great big bad milestone and all Ada cares about is her rawhide and going out for her nightly pee. Tonight, I am reminded that I miss having a solid community around me. Tonight, I'm reminded why I didn't want to leave WV, and then later why I didn't want our 2nd year to end. I'm terrified for what happens next because if I'm not in school, I don't know how to have a community, and I'm so NOT okay NOT having a community. I hate whining. I hate whiners. I'm whining right now.
Love,
Cicely

No really...I'm still alive!!!

Wow...I straight up disappeared from Blogger-land!

I'm in the middle of moving to my new place in Omaha. Most of my stuff has been in boxes for 6 months, making every box an adventure!!! The memories I've unpacked have made me a bit reflective. Who knew a wooden egg could make you cry? Here's a wee peek into my brain:

I just finished directing Pride Players at The Rose in Omaha. 23 teens have been working together since October to devise skits and monologues that make up this show. On Sunday (our last show) the seniors started crying because it's their last Pride Players or their last show at The Rose. I didn't cry when I left high school. But considering the past year, I understand tearful closings. Sometimes an experience changes you so much that it literally rips you apart when you have to end it. Here's a brief list of Amanda's Tearful Closings 2009:

• by the lake after Directing final as I said goodbye to grad school
• in Amie's parking lot as I said goodbye to an incredible friend and her apartment that I spent so much time in
• in my parking lot as my parents took Fritz and I said goodbye to calling Orlando my home
• at the Orlando airport as it hit me that I was officially moving away from Cicely, Liz, Meredith and all my friends at The REP
• and finally at the Traverse Theatre as I said goodbye to my friends in Scotland and quietly feared that I may never see them again.

Less than a year and my life has changed so much. I wake up some mornings wishing I was in Orlando, other mornings wishing I was in Glasgow, and still other mornings knowing that I'm where I need to be. In Omaha, I'm surrounded by friends and family. But (being rather selfish) all I want is those friends who aren't here too. I need to stop moving because I'm done with goodbyes...but at the same time I'm still feeling restless. If I stop saying goodbye then I greatly cut down my hellos and I don't think I'm done with hellos yet! Besides, Orlando and Glasgow have now become my favorite vacation destinations!

Thesis... following Amie

My thesis breaks my heart. My whole objective is to (as best as the theories allow) objectively analyze the highly subjective ideas of art and young people to become more profitable so that we can in turn serve more young people with artistic experiences. My conclusions are not uplifting. I hate my thesis every other day. I'm excited and hopeful on the days I don't hate it. I'm angry with myself on the days I forget it exists for most of the day.

Like most TYA folks, I loved theatre first. The young people came later. I think my struggle with my thesis comes in large part because no matter how I've dressed myself up with education classes, teaching experience, and my love of the written word, I'm still a 'theatre' person. Meaning, in part, I'm a doer, and I expect to work tirelessly for a limited amount of time, like a few weeks, open the show, and close it. Done. Move on. Next project. Even higher education is much like the production schedule: get your syllabus, work at the content for a few months, produce a big project, and bye bye class. Never to be seen in the same incarnation again. The thesis is the class project that lingers on too long, the show that just keeps going long after you are over it. It's CATS. Just be done already.

I'm itching to do some theatre work. I'm longing for the feeling of a fresh start of a new semester. Sadly, I don't see any of that in my near future.

We are so fortunate to have one another for encouragement. The fact that we are ALL working regularly on our theses with all of the complications and difficulties the 3rd year has to offer makes us remarkable people with remarkable dedication to our studies and ultimately our field.

We are going to finish on time. All of us. OK? OK.

Love,
Cicely

thesis?

I loved my thesis yesterday....I hate it today...I really hope I at least like it tomorrow...

I really really don't want to fail and be the only one of us who doesn't get this done...

love, amie